A Day in the Life: The Wednesdate

Every so often, Vin and I will take off work on a random Wednesday and go on what we call a Wednesdate. You can feel free to punch me in the face for calling it that--I know I'd want to. Here's how our day of fun went down yesterday:

7am: Wake, drink mama's happy juice (see Sunday's post), eek out a blog post, watch Today Show. Did y'all see this kid president video? Seriously, if that boy's up for adoption, I'll gladly find a spot for him in my barely one-bedroom apartment. He rules.

8-8:45: Pre-contemplative pep talk to get myself to the gym. This includes positive affirmations and several high fives to the bathroom mirror.

9:30: Enter gym. Guy hands me two promotional t-shirts--one burnt orange, the other blinding neon green. Affirmation worked-- am handsomely rewarded for effort before even exerting any. Hop on elliptical next to guy who smells like he works out much harder than I'm about to.

9:31: Not sure if I can handle what's happening in my nasal cavity. Pretty sure eyes cross for at least two seconds.

9:35: Is this over yet? I think I might be dying.

9:40: Hit my stride. Helped along by my new favorite song--the one Marnie caught Hannah dancing alone in her room to on the last season of Girls. (PS: I love that freakin' show. It makes me feel uncomfortable at least once an episode and Shoshanna is amaze (that's her saying-- "amaze". Not mine. I would never say "amaze" (or presh, or mani, or totes. Just FYI). For realz.

10:20: Leave gym, head home.

10:30-12:30: Shower, quick snack, bicker with Vin about appropriate footwear for lunchtime restaurant with strict dress code involving suit jackets and no sneakers.

1:30: Lunch reservation at 21 Club for NYC Restaurant Week. This place is very money. We are not money and they know it. They seat us by the bussing table.

1:35: Look around the joint. White men in suits as far as the eye can see. The room is almost pitch black and there are toys strung up from the ceiling. This restaurant is very old New York. It's for schmoozers. For business deals and handshakes. Feel gratitude for not having a job that requires shmoozing. I'd suck at it.

2:00: My lunch: salmon tartare with taro chips, roast chicken with truffled potatoes and haricots verts, vanilla creme brulee with raspberries. I've had worse. I've also had better.

2:30: In the bathroom, overhear a mature woman tell a young lady: "You know, my girlfriend's husband just died. He left her $100 million dollars. His first big deal was made here. My friend loves the 21 Club." Internal monologue says duh.

2:55: Wrap up the bill. We're given a delicate plate with baby macarons and tiny chocolates. Class. Maybe we'll come back for the full-price menu and try their $34 burger. More likely, we'll continue getting greasy $5 ones down the street at Petey's.

3:00-3:20: Walk up 5th Avenue. Lots of tourists to dodge. Weird, balmy weather. Hair starting to defect.

3:30: Pop into Henri Bendel to look for new eyelash curler. Am immediately accosted by luxury skincare saleswomen who try to sell me some ungodly expensive creams. Saving dialogue for separate post. Let's just say Vin's change in footwear bit us in the collective ass; these people actually thought we had money.

3:40: Enter Apple Store on 5th. As usual, there are probably 700 people in there. It feels like the tropics and smells like a locker room. Scent so familiar; look around for elliptical guy.

3:42: Try to pry raspberry seed from rear molar with tongue.

3:45: Vin says to salesperson about slim computer, "This thing is so sexy. If Heidi Klum was standing right here next to it, I think I'd spend more time ogling the computer." Salesperson chuckles. I am dubious.

4-4:15: Vin and I spend time sitting outside the Apple store tapping away on our Iphones. It is so meta. ( Just learned what this meant earlier this week. May have used it wrong).

4:45: We're seated at Serendipity--the ice cream shop made famous by a corny John Cusack movie that romanticizes cheating on one's fiance two days before the wedding. It's cute in here, but Vin is sitting in front of a huge painting of a guy wearing nothing but a banana hammock, and it's distracting me. 

5:00: The famous Serendipity "Frozen Hot Chocolate" arrives at the table. Feel disgustingly decadent until table next to us orders the deluxe version with a big hunk of cake and an avalanche of hot fudge on top. My stomach hurts looking at it.

6:00: Back home, glance in mirror. Shit. My skin looks incredible. If Shoshanna were here, she'd prob call it totes amaze. May need to get schmoozy job to afford fancy skin creams at Bendel's. 

8-10:  Vin heads to parents' house; I watch American Idol on couch. Ugh. Nicki Minaj is the worst. Every time she calls someone "darling" in a fake British accent I want to rip off her dumb wig.

10:30: Time for bed. Drift off to sleep in my neon gym shirt, with sparkling pores on my face and raspberry seeds still in my teeth. Goodnight, New York.