A Boy and a Girl Walk Into a Gym...

I joined a gym yesterday. It is not the first gym I've joined in my neighborhood. I'm sort of counting on that whole "third time's the charm" kicking in.

The first gym was too sexy for me. There were attractive, sweaty people in tight pants flirting all over that place, and I'm the kind of person who likes to show up at the gym in ratty basketball shorts and make zero eye contact with anyone. It was the kind of place where men winked at themselves in the mirror and quenched themselves from Ozarka gallon jugs. I found the whole place very intimidating. And expensive.

The second gym was definitely not sexy. In fact, it was kind of a dump, which is apparently exactly what you get for 20 bucks a month. It was one of those women's only gyms, which I figured would cut down on the intimidation factor. It did, but it totally added to the annoyance factor. Know what  some women do when they don't have men around in the gym? Nothing! Women would saddle up next to their best pal on a set of ellipticals, gossip endlessly, and pedal at a rate of about 0.5 mph. Others would just cozy up with a magazine and their cell phone, not even pretending to move, like the bikes were there to serve as lounge furniture. As a result, wait times were outrageous and all I had to entertain me was Ace of Base and oversized posters of women in legwarmers.

So the other day, in a bloated panic, I turned to Vin and said. "Wanna tour a gym with me?" The one thing I haven't tried is working out with a buddy, and I could really use the company. I was sort of shocked when he agreed, since he hasn't been inside a gym for the better part of 10 years. He's one of those lucky jerks who stays thin and toned without moving a muscle.

The minute we walked in, Vin says "Smells like a gym in here."

I looked at him and said, "Welcome back, Mr. Kotter." Actually I didn't say that, but I wish I had. It would have been funny.

The front desk guy greeted us and asked, "What are you looking for in a gym?"

"Motivation," I replied.

The guy lowered his eyes. "That's not a good answer."

He turned to Vin and asked, "So what are some of your fitness goals?"

Vin chuckled to himself and said, "Pffft. I have no idea."

The guy gently shook his head. "That's not a good answer."

And so, before our very first workout, we have been deemed the slacker couple with no goals or motivation. C'mon Vin. Let's go put our tight pants on. Time to do some flirtin'.