About Damn Time

I love almost everything about living in New York. The only bummers are: street noise, rats on subway tracks and the fact that I haven't been able to fit a tall bottle of olive oil in a kitchen cabinet since 1999. Like I said, I love almost everything about living here. 

The thing I like least about New York is its distance from my family.

I've taken two trips to Texas every year for the past 25. Not bad, not great. I've also made successful efforts to lull my parents, niece and aunt to my home in Astoria. My brother has literally never been to New York before. I could live in Yonkers for all he knows.

I saw a video earlier this year that quickly put this into harsh perspective. Please watch if you haven't already. I'll wait. See you in 30 seconds.

My parents are only 73 and in pretty good shape, but they've both had cancer in the past six years. I don't spend excessive time thinking about how many years I have left with them but I also know time's not something to waste, and if I want to do certain things with my parents-- like travel-- we need to get moving. I'm also aware of my own aging. In a few years I'll enter my 50s. Will I still want to hike through Zion? Will I be able to climb the stairs in Dubrovnik without a heart incident? Will a seat in economy immediately send me back to acupuncture?

And that's how I've ended up planning three family trips in a span of six months. Daylight's burnin'! 

In September, Vin and I took my mother to Italy for her birthday. She'd never been to Europe and I really wanted to see her get there. And frankly, in my own anxiety about not wasting time, we did entirely too much. Rented too many cars, covered too many towns, packed in more sights than we could slowly, truly appreciate. This trip taught me some important lessons about acceptance.

Two weeks later, we drove to New Hampshire to meet my father, his wife and her father. Let me explain.

In April, on one of my bi-annual Houston visits, my father's wife Angie told me that seeing fall foliage in New England was on her father's bucket list. I asked how long they'd talked about taking this trip together and when she said TWENTY YEARS my eyes went wide and my body started twitching.

She left to play pickleball, likely forgetting all about our conversation.

By the time she'd returned I'd fleshed out an October itinerary that included New Hampshire and Vermont, complete with scenic train routes and cozy camp-themed restaurants. The idea of time continuing to pass without them biting the bullet and taking this trip together made me sad and uncomfortable, and I wanted to make it easier for them to get started so I projected my anxiety all over them. I also invited myself. Then I coerced them into planning another trip with us next spring.

I'd say I'm about 85% thoughtful, 10% people pleaser and 5% control freak, though I reserve the right to switch these proportions around at any time thank youuuuuuuuu. 

This profound awareness of time passing causes me some stress, but mostly works in my favor. If I set a big goal, I almost always reach it. Once I decide I want to do something, I rarely sit on it. I make stuff happen. It helps me professionally as a therapist too. When someone tells me they have a goal they want to reach you better believe I am invested. 

Please note that this trait only applies to big juicy goals with large pay-offs. It unfortunately disappears in the context of daily grinds and small projects that could be completed in less than 30 minutes, like hanging up art or sweeping the sidewalk so we don't get ticketed. My "owe this person a phone call" list is 20 deep and if you're reading this you're probably on it. It's probably time for me to chill on the big stuff and start tackling the everyday tasks.

Still, I know I'll reach true enlightenment when I accept that I won't get it all done. The more I scratch off my bucket list, the more energy it generates and the longer it grows. Once I complete a load of laundry I need to do it again the minute I take off my socks. My to-do list will never be swiped clean. I am going to leave this life with unfinished business. I won't do everything I dream about doing.

But I'm sure gonna try.

Now... what items on your bucket list have you been sitting on and how can I harass you into getting started?!