It’s a confusing time to be an eternal optimist. Remaining too optimistic about the state of the world these days can make you look like a real big dummy or at the very least, a non-critical thinker.
I’m generally an upbeat lady but trust me, I’m concerned plenty. I’m concerned about a narcissistic lunatic running the show, an unnecessary war, gas prices, the Epstein files, kids getting addicted to screens, gun violence, AI putting everyone out of work, ICE raids, food insecurity, etc etc. I don’t need to tell you what people are worried about. There are mentions of it everywhere, all the time.
What do I do about all this? Volunteer? Develop a campaign? Protest? Relentlessly call my congressperson?
No dummy! I scroll on my phone! Scrolling is awesome. It requires no brainpower, no willpower, no purchasing power (Until i get sucked into buying something I didn’t need, with money I should be saving for skinless chicken breast which now costs $5 a pound at my local grocery and then I gotta buy free range organic or expose myself to higher risks of antibiotic-resistant bacteria, potential contamination due to crowded farming conditions and residues from pesticides or synthetic chemicals which means I’m now paying like 22 bucks for a pack of four. Like I said, it’s tough times.
Scrolling Instagram temporarily distracts me from that truth. I love that scrolling can be performed anywhere, at any time, with everyone or no one around. I can do it while I’m eating. I can do it between work tasks. I can do it instead of exercising, writing, reading, making my bed, sharing lunch with a friend, romancing my husband, calling my mother. It can replace those activities we did as kids in the 80s that sound boring but are actually incredible like lying on your back and noticing clouds drift or watching the wind blow leaves off a tree.
One of the major problems with trying to kick an Instagram habit is that people are hilarious! There’s so much fun stuff on my phone, posted by individuals I will never meet but who I’ve grown attached to observing from a comfortable distance. I find people so entertaining, and what’s the harm in watching a little entertainment every 15 minutes? Plus there’s short, blinking videos featuring recipes and personal training tips and restaurant recommendations and travel suggestions and the thing that really sucks me in—Threads—where I get not only bonus news content, but everyone and their mother’s opinions about the content of the news.
When I’m feeling my worst, scrolling threads and reels keeps me there. When I’m tired and cranky, it temporarily soothes those annoying feelings then circles back and enhances them. It’s altered my brain with its unique ability to completely capture my attention before blowing it to smithereens. It’s truly a marvel of technology. The coolest thing about farting around on social media is that IT NEVER ENDS. It’s literally a non-stop stream of endless material with which to simultaneously distract from and enhance my existential anxiety and sense of impending doom.
But today I began the withdrawal process. I must preserve my brain! It used to work much better. I’m not going cold turkey. It won’t work. I need a harm reduction strategy. I enjoy posting vacation photos and the occasional blooming tree, mostly for my own ability to look back at a digital photo album. And for some reason I still need everyone to know I go walking in Central Park once or twice a week. But I blocked Threads on instagram and vowed to use the app only on my laptop to reduce time scrolling reels, my true kryptonite. Next up— Reddit! I still plan to be an informed citizen because that’s very important, but I’m sticking to credible news sources. I’ve cut the noise. I’m firing the peanut gallery.
I used to write from 5am-8am every day. I woke up excited, calm and clear. It’s been years since I had that kind of focus and whether it’s a combination of tech addiction and perimenopausal brain fog, I’m not sure, but I have to find the remedy. I’m also really tired of reading about impending doom. When I’m in a writing habit, I start noticing things in my environment more and most of them are good. That’s the direction I want to move in.
So yesterday afternoon I left my phone in the living room and went outside to write, my first attempt in about 9 months. I had to will myself not to open IG on my laptop when I hit a blank, but I did it. I’m not alerting friends on Facebook or Instagram of my attempt to pick up my old favorite hobby. This time it’s between me and my brain, which obviously needs a reset.
In the quiet, I could finally hear myself think. I heard the New York City sirens and my neighbor’s yappy dog. I heard the ice cream truck make its first pass of the season. AC units clicking into life. Wind chimes. A baby’s cry. It was so quiet I actually heard the goddamn breeze.
Now that’s entertainment.
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