Banana Pudding

Before I give you the recipe for the most mind-numbingly awesome banana pudding you've ever shoveled in your face (courtesy of NYC's Magnolia Bakery), I'd like to suggest you run to your bottom drawer and pull out your cotton pajama pants. You know, the ones with the elastic waistband. I say this because you will invariably gain 10 pounds simply reading the ingredient list for this recipe. But let me assure you, any damage done will be totally worth it. If heaven had a taste, this would be it.

In the words of Rachel Zoe, "This. Is. Bananas." But, like, literally.

 

Banana pudding is beyond simple to make, but you have to allow yourself a few hours to let things set. First step is mixing a can of sweetened condensed milk (this is where you'll gain the first 3 lbs), vanilla pudding mix (lbs 4-6), and water. Once it's well-mixed, the pudding will need to set for at least 3 hours. Why don't you hit the gym while you're waiting? You know, like a preemptive strike.

Once the pudding is set, you'll pull this little devil (lbs 7-9) out of your fridge and whip it, whip it good.

It wasn't me, I swear. Blame it on my hungry, evil finger twin.

Once the pudding has set, and the cream has been whipped, you'll mix them together to form a sweet, creamy, deadly filling. Then it's time for the fun part--assembly. In a clear glass bowl or trifle dish, start layering Nilla wafers (lb. 10), followed by sliced bananas. Top with the pudding cream. Repeat. Stick finger in bowl to taste as required. Don't worry; I won't tell anybody.

Top it off with Nilla Wafers crushed in a food processor, then refrigerate for four hours (but no more than 8) before serving. 

Though I wanted to keep my family-sized pudding bowl all to myself, I found it in my heart to share it with others. I brought it over to a friend's birthday party and dressed it up with some leftover pink fabric and yellow ribbon. I also brought along yellow cups and spoons. I know. Cute, right?

And because I can't resist quoting the Zoe a second time, let me just say that I die for this dessert. In lieu of flowers, please just bury me in banana pudding.

Nutty Chocolate Shortbread

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to something very, very special. It is chocolate shortbread, slathered in melty chocolate and topped with crunchy, toasted nuts. It's sophisticated enough for ladies who drink tea with their pinky pointing west, yet decadent enough that your 10-year-old won't say, "Ew, Ma. This tastes like topsoil; go make me some Jello." In other words, it's a crowd-pleaser. But don't take my word for it. Make it, eat it, and sing its praises your own self.

Make the Shortbread:

* 1 stick unsalted butter (softened)

*1/2 cup granulated sugar

*1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

*1/4 tsp table salt

*1 large egg yolk

*1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

* 1 cup all-purpose flour

Preheat oven to 350. Lightly butter the bottom and sides of a 9 1/2-inch fluted tart pan with a removable bottom. Combine butter, sugar, cocoa and salt in a medium bowl. Beat with an electric mixer on medium speed until well-blended. Scrape bowl, then add the egg yolk and vanilla and continue beating until just combined. Add the flour and mix on low speed, scraping the bowl as needed, until the flour mixes in and the dough begins to clump together, about 1 minute.

Scrape the dough into the prepared pan, using fingertips to pat the dough onto the bottom (not up the sides) of the pan to create an even layer. Bake until the top no longer looks wet and the dough just barely begins to pull away slightly from the sides of the pan, about 25 minutes.

Make the Glaze: 

* 3 ounces bittersweet or semi-sweet chocolate

* 2 tbsp unsalted butter, cut into two pieces

* 1/2 cup coarsely chopped pecans, walnuts or pistachios

Begin making the glaze shortly before the shortbread is done. Melt chocolate and butter together in the top of a double boiler or in the microwave. Stir until smooth. When the shortbread is done, transfer the pan to a wire rack. Pour the warm glaze over the shortbread and spread evenly to the edges. Scatter nuts, and press gently into glaze. Let cool completely, then remove from tart pan and cut into 12 or 16 wedges.

You Needa Granita

Want to know the recipe for the most refreshing summer dessert ever? 

I thought so.

Watermelon Granita

(but you can try it with any ol' fruit you like...peaches, blueberries, cantaloupe, strawberries...)

1/2 watermelon, rind and seeds removed (about 4 cups)

1/4 cup sugar

2 cups water

2 limes

Combine sugar and water in a saucepan to make a simple syrup, dissolve over low heat, and allow to cool. 

Working in batches, puree watermelon in blender until smooth.  Pour mixture into 13x9x2-inch metal baking pan then mix in the juice of two limes and the simple syrup. Cover with plastic and freeze. Stir the mixture after one hour, then return to the freezer for another hour before stirring again. Allow to freeze for 6 hours or overnight. Scrape and serve.